A technique—and opportunity—for deep connection that is rare in most social dynamics — Every time I had flatmates in the past, there was conflict. The unwashed dishes. The bits of food in the drain. The uneven task distribution. The tension that slowly builds up and eventually explodes. At the beginning of 2020, right when the first lockdowns began, I moved in with three…

Building habits is not about willpower. The less pressure I apply, the more I feel like engaging in the practices I chose. — This is the time of year when the excitement about New Year’s resolutions usually starts to fade away. I recently wrote about why this year I am focusing on creating practices instead of setting goals: to avoid the pitfalls that make so many people quit. One of my practices, the…

How to make sure you get where you want to be by focusing on the process instead of on the outcomes — Every time I set yearly goals, I end up either forgetting them, changing them, or quitting them altogether. Why does this happen? My theory is that my goals are either too complex, too many, not clearly actionable or not completely under my control. I remember setting goals in past years…

Why we quit important habits, and how to get back on track. — After meditating for 45 minutes a day for almost two years, I recently dropped the habit. If you ask me why, I struggle to find an answer. Meditation is probably in my top three life priorities, which makes it even weirder that I quit. So, what happened? The Lies We Tell Ourselves When We Fail I thought about…

Tame the mental hurricane of thoughts and decisions and tasks and get back to a place of grounded action. — In a recent conversation, a friend of mine used a great metaphor to describe how he’s been feeling lately: as if he is driving a complex spaceship full of levers and buttons and decisions to make, but feeling a desire to switch to an automatic car where all he has…

We evolved to move, not sit, and I wanted to be stronger, more flexible, and more focused. Here’s how I got more movement in my day. — If your work involves sitting down at the computer for most of the day, you probably understand the special kind of muscle stiffness that comes with it. It’s not that you’re unfit. You exercise (kind of) regularly, and you’re in better shape than a lot of your friends.

But you need to know the right moment to stop. — For the past two days I haven’t been feeling my best. There have been some struggles and disappointments at work and I felt mentally exhausted. My brain couldn’t think or create anything anymore. I didn’t feel like doing anything at all. So I allowed myself to do just that. I…

You have been together for a while. Things are not as they used to be. You don’t kiss or touch so often anymore. You’ve gotten used to each other’s presence, and the butterflies are long gone. You co-exist peacefully (most of the time), and you agree that you have a…

This experiment in vulnerability can create intimate connections between writer and reader—but it is not for the faint of heart — My alarm rings and I get out of bed. I wash my face, drink some water, and stretch. Then, I open my laptop, I take a deep breath, and I start typing today’s journal entry. I might write about my anxiety and my deepest fears. I might process and brainstorm…